An Article I wrote for the wonderful HipsterJew.com, go check them out!
Hands off our cocks!
San Francisco made waves about a month ago trying to ban circumcision. It doesn’t seem like the bill is going to go to vote, but there are rumors that a few other cities might try to write their own similar bills. So, I’ve made all you Jews and pro-circumcisers out there a little cheat sheet just in case a bill like this ever does go to a vote. Here is how you can answer some of the tougher arguments against circumcision. Enjoy!
Argument: The foreskin has 5000 more nerve endings on it than an uncircumcised penis tip, making sex much more pleasurable.
Rebuttal: Yeah. That’s what I need, to be quicker in bed.
Argument: It’s genital mutilation!
Rebuttal: It’s genital indoctrination (I’m very proud of myself for this one.).
Argument: God doesn’t make mistakes.
Rebuttal: Really? Have you ever seen the entire continent of Africa? What about the tar pits, or the entire CBS Monday Night Comedy line up? “Big Bang Theory “ into “Two and a Half Men”, into “Mike and Molly”? SOMEONE’S got to apologize for that monstrosity.
Argument: The man has the right to decide whether he wants the surgery.
Rebuttal: A man will never be old enough or mature enough to make a rational decision about his penis. Come on! Do you know all the terrible decisions I’ve made because of my penis? I once thought it would feel really good to fuck an entire jar of Vick’s Vapo rub ( it didn’t) The same penis and man who spent two hours scraping Vick’s vapo rub off his swollen penis would have to consent to snipping a piece of it off? No…won’t happen…ever…
Arguement: The Catholic Church actually banned circumcision at the council of Florence in the mid 1400’s.
Rebuttal: That just makes me want to do it more!
Argument: Some studies show that circumcision can lead to anxiety and depression
Rebuttal: Look at the Jewish people…it now all makes sense…
Argument: Some studies show that circumcision might lead to mental disabilities:
Rebuttal: Oh. I’m sorry…I was too busy being retarded to understand this statement.
Argument: Some studies show that due to the pain, circumcision disrupts the infant-mother bond at a dangerously early age.
Rebuttal: Oh yeah…If there’s one problem Jewish men have it’s not having a close enough relationship with their mothers. Speaking of that…mom I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy. I’ll call you right when I’m done with this column.
Argument: Cleaning your foreskin is as easy as cleaning your belly button
Rebuttal: Wait! People clean their belly buttons? Shit.
So there you have it! Thanks to circumcision us Jews are depressed and anxious godless retards who hate our mothers and don’t enjoy sex…