Tuesday, February 22, 2011

G-d Is St-p-d

Spent a lot of time writing this article for a website. It didn't make the cut...a little too offensive.
Thought you'd all enjoy it though.

Since I was a little (Jewish) kid, I was told that when we write the word God on a piece we must put a dash through the word. This always seemed...well...stupid. I was taught that we do that in order to not say God's name in vain, and as a sign of respect toward God. Paper gets thrown away and we don't want to throw God and his name away right!? Wrong!

My God (or our God, what is your own personal preference), the godly God of the Jews, who is not the god of other gods, doesnt have an English name. The term "god" is used for all different purposes, which I cleverly showed on the line above (that's what two years of art school education gets you!). So, the fact that we put a dash through this secular definition for the word God is just plain dumb, irritating, and yup...you guessed it...stupid. I've done a little research (mostly Wikipedia, with a bit of Askmoses.com thrown in there) and it seems to me that no one is one hundred percent sure where the word God comes from. Some say it comes from the English word for good: take out an "O" and boom! -- you've got God. The Christians like this definition because they they say God is good, they REALLY mean it. Those Christians are so clever! They must have gone to the same arts conservatory I went to!

Others believe the word God is an ancient Sanskrit writing with Hindu origins that has evolved over the ages into what we say now. But wait. WAIT! Could it be that the Hindus who pray to the creepy blue Doctor Octopus guy with the glitter on his forehead and the elephant and the magic goat who shoots out lasers out of his teeth (is that last one made up? seems plausible...) made up the word that we hold to such high standards? That's right! It's possible that the pagans made up this word we so highly esteem. The word we respect so much that we take out the O like we're on some holy game of Wheel of Fortune. Can I please just buy a vowel?

No other religion knocks the vowels out of a word for God like we do. If a suicide bombers write a final letter, he's not going to sign it "-ll-h -qbar," and I've never seen a Christian call their messiah J-s-s Ch-st. You know why? Cause it's F-ck-ng r-t-rd-d. I think if we're going to replace vowels with dashes then we need to go big or go home. We'd have to start doing it for all holy words and phrases like S-dd-r and K-pp-h and "H-ppy H--r."

At the end of the day though, it's about respect. The Jews like to constantly show their respect and devotion to God. It's why some cover their heads with Kippahs, why some wear Tzit-Tzit and why most of us pretend to like watching incredibly long and sad Holocaust movies. For me using the dash is to respect the fact that other find this word to be holy. That's why this weekend I plan on seeing "J-st-n B--b-r: Never Say Never"".

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm Back and better than nothing!

Hello loyal followers!

It has been a while, but I'm back!
It's been a long time, but my new years resolution is to get my blog back on track!

Expect a blog about every week just like the old days now!

I know, I know, you are all licking your chops, so here are some things I've done over the last few months to satiate you all until next week.

I was hired to write for a website called Gatherthejews.com, check out my first blog with them. It's a little happy and goddy and Jewy, but it's interesting.
http://www.gatherthejews.com/2011/01/take-my-word-for-it-im-a-jewish-comedian/

If your more in the mood for stupid/ mean sketches with a mean political opinion, check these out:

A sketch called "Abortion"...can you guess what it's about?



One more sketch called "Prom Date" -


I will begin posting performance dates, other blogs I write for other websites on here and my own rants and ramblings. Don't worry...this will not become a tumblr where I post quotes by people who have been dead 500 years that none of us care about and ask you what you think of me anonymously (the fun of insulting people is doing it to their face).

See you all next week!
Enjoy the sketches! See you all next wee