Monday, November 16, 2009

Lil' Obama Bow Wah/Update on Levi Johnston's Penis

Ladies and gentleman I am angry. I am infuriated at our socialist, nazi sympathizer, arab, non-american president Mr. Barack Hussein Obama. Why am I angry at him? Well, me and my other "real american" friends are DISGUSTED that OUR president BOWED to the Japanese president! Don't believe me? Think this is me spewing lies? This article about people angry at Obama for bowing was on the homepage of MSNBC only a few hours ago! And MSNBC is the liberal news network! (I'll give you a minute to click on the link and read in fury)
This is disgusting, this is awful, I mean, why would Obama think it is ok to bow to anyone other than god himself! If Christianity has taught me anything (and it hasn't) it has taught me that I shouldn't bow to any man or image of a man (except for images of Jesus, mary, mary magdalene, Paul, Jon the Baptist, and that crilled cheese sandwich that has Jesus's face burnt on it). I mean, it is not a good enough excuse that in Japan everyone bows to everyone for a sign of respect, and handshakes are very taboo in their culture, he is the American president god dammit! Fuck their culture! We shake hands! Not only did Barack Obama bow to the Japanese president, but he bowed LOWER than the president bowed to him. For god's sake, why don't you just got on your knees and blow him Barack? Jeez...suck up. Do you know what it means to bow to someone in Japan? It shows that you respect the person as an equal...HOW DARE HE! Who does this guy think he is? And you see that picture (on the top of the page) of Obama bowing slightly and holding his hands at his heart to the Hindus? I don't understand this guy! Next thing you know he'll be sacrificing humans when he visits a satanist for a peace mission (I nominate glenn beck, Dane Cook, or the Geico Gecko as the sacrifice).
I'm agree with the criticism, it is appalling that Obama has made time to learn and respect these people's customs and traditions. It almost seems like he CARES about what these people believe, it almost seems like he respects them...yuk. How dare he be part of the culture of the land he visits? People who want to find evidence that Obama wasn't born in America, don't look at his birth certificate, look at what he does. A new study says that over half of American High Schoolers can't point out Iraq on a globe, but Obama knows to bow to a Japanese guy? He's an Arab!
Even worse, Obama's bow was done to none other than the son of the emperor of Japan who ruled Japan during Pearl Harbor! This is anti-american! This man's father started a war with our country and we are bowing to his son? We are Amrica god dammit! We hold grudges! I mean, grudges is why the second bush started the Iraq War! (no, I'm sorry...that's ridiculous, it was obviously the WMDS). Obama should have bowed and then threw another nuke on Hiroshima dammit. That will teach them.
Now, maybe you're thinking "David you're nuts. This was a mistake! His back went out! He saw some gum on the floor he didn't want to step on! It was a one time thing!" I bring you to THIS EVIDENCE!
The link above me is a link to a picture of what happened on April 2, 2009...a day that will live in infamy...where Barack HUSSEIN obama bowed to his Arab King, the King of Saudi Arabia! Now, yes, it was a slight head nod, and some say that Obama is taller than the king and the picture was taken during a sort of awkward hand shake into whisper moment, BUT WE KNOW THE TRUTH! Obama has bowed now to two of our worst enemies over the last century, the Japanese and the Arabs, and yes, I'm generalizing but I have to! You saw what happened in fort hood! A crazy guy, who the government knew had been unstable for a year and who had kept saying he was going to kill people, killed people! It's ok to generalize about Arabs now because this one guy who recently converted to Islam went nuts in this one incident.
So, obama has bowed to two mortal enemies, the Arabs and the Japanese...all we need to do is dig up hitler's body so he can give him a nice reach around and he'd be three for three. Oh wait...he is honoring and bowing to hitler with his socialist, nazi healthcare bill, that is exactly like the third reich (acording to the teabaggers and all their signs) You see, Obama's healthcare plan is EXACTLY like the third reich...Hitler rounded up millions of people, then murdered 13 million people in gas chambers, and Obama wants everyone in the country to have healthcare no matter how poor, THEY ARE TOO EERILY SIMILAR!! THEY ARE EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME! AHHHHHH! One simple equation for you math geeks out there: Obama + Universal Healthcare = Murder of 13 million innocent people and resurrection of Adolph Hitler.

NOW, as promised in my title, an update on Levi Johnston's penis!
I have some bad news for everyone...I just was informed via my many sources that Levi Johnston will not be posing full frontal in Playgirl. (I'll give you all a collective moment where you can all take your hands off your penises and allow the blood to flow back into your bodies). The good news is though that we will still see plenty of ass and partial penis (not sure what partial penis means, but I'm excited to find out!) Here's to hoping we get a little ass hole action. If we get a little ass hole action, I might be bowing to Levi Johnston the next time I see him...I'm sure Mr. Obama will.


Anonymous said...

young man, I think you possess a perplexed personality with a lot of rotten brain matter added to it ..!!!! what you've written down shows shovinistic inclination, a neo nazzy thirst for blood and revenge, little knowledge on the topics you've propheted on and which is more you lack a total respect for cultures other than yours. Just by chance did I happen to visit your site and I'm totally amazed how an ill barain as yours can contemplate on such gestures of good will that Mr Obama showed .. I feel really sorry that narrow minded and aggression concentrated media representatives have any reach to general public .. the rest of your writings I simply lacked the stomach to read .. !!!

David Schwartzbaum said...

To anonymous.
I am a comedian. This particular entry, just like all the other entries on my website are humorous. This blog was written with an ironic tone to poke fun at the people who actually believe the things I wrote down. The idea that Obama was chastised at all about something so simple and actually good is ridiculous. I believe you and I probably have very similar morals and opinions on this subject. I ask you to reread the entry as ironic, with a playful tone and then realize that you and I probably feel the same way about the "character" I was portraying in my blog. It's comedy!