Thursday, March 18, 2010

Fuck the mayans and their 2012 bullshit

WHO THE FUCK ARE THE MAYANS AND WHY THE HELL DO WE GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM!? Yeah you heard me. Fuck them. Why in the shit do we care about what the Mayans think? The Mayans existed thousands of years ago, at that time they still killed babies to appease the gods, thought that bathing in blood purified you, AND lived in Mexico and yet their calendar out of all the other calendars is the correct one!
If you don't know what I'm yelling about now you aren't one of the millions of people who believe the world is ending in 2012, or one of the people who saw the masterpiece film "2012" which made over 300 million dollars and is the number one dvd purchase in America (until the classic "twilight" franchise takes over this week), I'm yelling about the whole conspiracy that the world is going to end in 2012 because the Mayan calendar runs out in 2012.
That's so weird...you mean the calendar of a civilization that hasn't updated their calendar in a thousand years cause they've been EXTINCT is running out? So weird...I always thought things just miraculously updated themselves, at least my Iphone does that. Let me give you a little sketch about how the Mayan Calendar decided to stop at 2012.

Take you back to about 50AD, the place is the yucatan. Two mayans, a stone carver and a mathemitician sit outside. (they are speaking in Zapotec, but I translated for you.)

Kee-Haw - Hey Ixx-Nap

Ixx-Nap - Yes Kee-Haw

Kee-Haw - I'm out of stone for the calendar. I've put thousands of hieroglyphs on these stones, but I'm out of stones.

Ixx-Nap - What year did you get up to? (they didn't have question marks or interrogative statements back then but I'm translating)

Kee-Haw 2012

Ixx-Nap - Oh that's fine. We'll be long gone by then and and civilization will have evolved. This calendar will be obsolete...unless you're retarded. (they did have a word for retarded though)

you see people, we don't use anything the Mayans invented. We don't use their language system, religion, math system, farming system, NOTHING. SO, WHY IN THE FUCK DO WE CARE ABOUT THEIR CALENDAR!?
Who cares about how smart these people were 2000 years ago. Just 100 years ago people were putting eggs in their hair to use as gel, only 15 years ago Tom Green was the most successful comedian in the country! Past history sucks!
Now, I know, we love apocalypse stories. It's why the scriptures are so popular, it's the ultimate 2012 story. Fire and demons and another super bowl halftime show by tom petty (scary I know).

But this is what I implore you. Forget about the dead pointless Mayans who murdered babies and virgins and built a calendar. Their calendar is as pointless as ours will most likely be in 2000 years (plus our calendar makes no fucking sense...28 days in february? Why? Fuck you leap year). Let's focus on the present. There are still some societies killing children and women in the name of god, and the Chinese still draw pictures instead of using real letters to write. WAKE UP RED CHINA THIS IS 2010 not 210!

What I'm saying is, the Mayans are a pointless, extinct culture, so fuck them and fuck their beliefs and their calendar, and if you're one of those stupid people who believe that the Mayans knew when the world was going to end then...fuck you too.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are so fucking right
I fucking hate the mayans, and mexicans for that manner. Taking all our jobs and complianing to us about how they are under payed fuck them. Back onto mayans, you are totaly right. Why the fuck would anyone beleive a civilisation thats been extinct for over 1000 years. I mean if i just all of a sudden created a calender And said the world will end in 7 years would anyone believe me. Hell no. So why should we believe a bunch of unhygenic freaks who say the world is going to end in 2012

Anonymous said...

The end is nigh! Repent Now

Anonymous said...

Yall are all fuckin retarded. And bitch I am mexican so fuck you. I hope when the world does decide to end yall burn in hell. The end is near. Pray bitches

Anonymous said...

The end is near huh? Well Mr Mexican scum, please enlighten us all as to when this is going to happen? Fuck you, all ignorant Mexicans and especially the Mayans. No wonder Mexicans are so corrupt, they follow their barbaric ancestors and are nothing but filthy cock roaches invading our country and breeding like wild rabbits. Take your ass back to Mexico, catch a donkey show or 2 and slave on a farm.