Friday, August 14, 2009

Who Let Michael Vick Out? Who? Who? Who?

I watched Micheal Vick's press conference today with an open heart and open ears, but I didn't buy what Michael Vick was saying. If you don't know what I'm talking about, last night, the Philadelphia Eagles signed Mike Vick to a two year deal. Now we all know what I think about the situation, I believe Michael's punishment wasn't fitting...prison for it? Nah..I think Vick should have been put into a ring with a rabid, angry dog, one that he or his croneys help train and turn into a psycho, and have them fight it out. The winner goes free (but with injuries) and the loser gets dragged outside, soaked in water and electrocuted to death...cause that is what vick did to his losers.
What people seem to forget in this case isn't that Michael Vick was just an innocent bystander of dogfights...he brutally murdered, through drowning, electricuting and choking over a dozen dogs, he bought his Virginia mansion for one reason...to dogfight...and he funded the illegall transportation of dogs all over the country for dogfighting...Here are some select quotes from the Eagle's press conference today, and why...I just don't buy it.

Vick kept calling his involvement a "Mistake." No Michael, I'm sorry...a mistake is tripping and falling and grabbing a girl's boob inadvertently, a mistake is when you're chopping wood, the axe flies out of your hand and hits someone 100 feet away, a mistake (to give an example from the nfl) is if you were partying too hard, got too drunk to realize you were driving a car and hit someone jaywalking...THOSE are mistakes, all to different degrees. Premeditated murder of dogs isn't a mistake! Something can't be a mistake if you did it for years and years and years and had a very specific plan on how to do it without getting caught. Mistakes aren't usually evil and what he did was evil! Most serial killers start out by killing animals, that's not a coincidence! It's a lack of respect for life and Vick has not proven he has any respect for the life of animals. He kept saying "I've teamed up with the humane society." But he's made noooo specifics on what that means. I get e-mails from greenpeace, Move-on.org, Republicans of Florida, Jewish queer youth, and pizza hut...does that mean I've teamed up with them too Michael? Cause let me tell you, I sure as shit am not a gay environmentalist liberal republican who enjoys a shitty pizza every once in a while (though I do enjoy a shitty pizza every once in a while). And I bet I've done just as much for them as Michael has..."he's teamed up"...please...how? He went to a couple rallies and has spoken to some kids...that's not teaming up.

That brings me to my next quote:

When asked about how he will clean up his image Michael gave no specifics, he did say this though
"“if I can help more animals than I hurt…then I’m contributing…I’m doing my part."
That's going to be a lot of work Michael seeing as you were personally connected in one way or another to over a hundred dog slayings. Wow! So, if he helps more dogs than he killed, he'll be doing his part! According to that logic, I can murder Michael vick, and then save two people from a fire and I would have served my time too! How simple! The bible isn't "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" it's an eye for two eyes, and a tooth for two teeth"! Of course! Speaking of god, Tony Dungy has become Vick's mentor, he retired from football last year...to I guess...spend more time being a missionary? What? Dungy now spends his time mentoring prisoners in Tampa Bay, which makes no sense to me seeing that his son commited suicide two years ago. I'm sorry, I know....awful, but if I'm a young person looking for a mentor, I don't see myself choosing the guy who fucked up his most important, and closest mentoring case...all I'm saying. Dungy should stick to football or his familiy and leave the Jesus talk up to the crazy fuckers on the corners of Broad and Market teling me how my soul is damned...but Michael's isn't damned because "If he can help more animals than he hurt...he'll be doing his part."

When asked what he thought about dogfighting Michael called it "unnecessary" and a "pointless activity". WOW! Those are strong words! Pointless! Unneccessary! You know what else is pointless and unnecessary...video games, masturbation, me dressing up in my mother's clothes and pretending I'm betty boop...you know what should be described as something bigger than pointless and unnecessary...DOGFIGHTING. Here's some adjectives he could have used that would be better than pointless...how about Heinous, evil, disgusting, awful, abominable, terrible, cruel, stupid, retarded, fucked up, and so on...but pointless? PLEASE. Unnecessary? Unnecessary? It's unnecessary to drink your own urine...dogfighting is waaaayyyyyy past unnecessary. You know what's pointless and unnecessary? Thinking that calling something as disgusting as dogfighting just pointless and unnecessaary.

Vick answered a question by saying
“now I understand people care about their animals, the welfare of their animals.”"
NOW he knows? What is he retarded? Has he lived in some other world where people murdered dogs all the time in front of him? This is America! Turn on the tv, we have pictures of puppies all over the tv...any tv show with the stereotypical american family has a dog as the loyal friend. Has he never heard of Lassie? Warrick Dunn, his former teammate helps out at an animal shelter in Atlanta. He NOW understands people care about animals? Are you shitting me? That is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard! Come on! Michael vick you are either absolutely stupid or full of shit...neither one bodes well for you. I NOW understand Michael Vick is retarded....no wonder he murdered dogs, it all makes sense now.

Finally, vick kept saying "this is the country of second chances". Since when? Since when was this the country for second chances? If Michael Vick was a lawyer he would've been disbarred, a doctor, his medical license would have been revoked, a business man, he would have been black listed. We have people register as sex offenders at 18 years old and have to spend the rest of their lives living 2500 feet away from any public buildings. We are the country of second chances? The country that has contiuously denied DNA testing to criminals on death row? The country that in most states has a law barring anyone charged with a felony to ever vote in an election? Meaning if at 20 you're caught dealing some pot, you will never vote again...when did this country become te country of second chances? NO. The only second chance here is by the NFL He is getting preferential treatment because he is a football player...and it is BULLSHIT.

Look...do I think Vick served his time...yes I do...do I think he deserves a second chance...yes I do...just not in the NFL. Any other profession would have thrown him out, and so should the NFL..He should have to build himself up somewhere else...start from the bottom...the same place percy and t bone started from with Vick in the prison shower...the bottom.

In conclusion, it takes a different type of person to hold a dog's head in water and feel and watch it drown, it takes a different kind of person to put electrical wires on a dog and watch it die...and that type of person is Michael Vick...and that is not a guy I want on my team...though a light shock on the nipples is sometimes a good thing...as long as there's a safety word...maybe that was the problem? Maybe the safe word between the dogs and Vick was banana and all the dog's could do was squeal in terrible pain...No...I don't trust Michael Vick...I don't trust him as far as he could throw a football...and since he's never been a good quarterback, that's not very far.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Gay-to-Straight camps don't work! WHHHAAATTT?

The most shocking report of maybe ever came out today. A report so shocking that I cannot believe it's not getting the coverage it deserves...yes...today it was announced that after a several year study it turns out that gay-to-straight programs...DO NOT WORK! This is the biggest surprise since another study coming out about 3 months ago said that abstinence teaching didn't work! This is such a shame, I really had high hopes for the gay people I know. I really wanted them to be cured. I just can't understand why people genetically predisposed to being gay can't just lose it after a 3 month Jesus intensive! It seems like the perfect way to fix somebody doesn't it! Because, I mean, if there is one thing that isn't gay at all it's Jesus Christ! I mean, Jesus' picture of him, long haired, scruffy beard, blue eyes, filthy, half naked, tied up on that cross isn't sado -massichistic at all, and doesn't turn me on in the least bit. All I'm saying is I would NEVER find it sexyif the holy ghost posessed my holy cross once in a while.

If you readers don't know what I'm talking about with these gay-to-straight camps, basically parents send their gay children to camps in order for them to become straight. It's a camp where gay kids go to concentrate on not being gay, where they are concentrated into a group of "confused kids like themselves so they can concentrate on being better at this camp...I don't know what to call the camp where they go to concentrate on not being gay...it's just on the tip of my tongue...no idea...if you know what I should call it, leave me a comment and tell me....maybe something with camp in it, and maybe concentrate? I dunno...

I gotta say...I'm not surpised these gay camps didn't work...as a Jewish kid, I used to go to Jew camp...and Jew camp is totally where Jewish kids get their first sexual experiences. I'll never forget my first kiss, it was at Jew camp...we were kissing during morning services, I got a little...excited...she felt it and ran out of my room freaking out...true story...I was 17 at the time...ok no no...TURNING 17...Alright it was 6th grade...but I was a 16 year old 6th grader so... But, seriously, I've got to say, that is probably the best metaphor for my sex life since then too...running out screaming.
ANYWAY, the point is, ask any Jewish kid who ever went to Jew camp...it was THE place, EVERYONE was gonna get some at Jew camp from someone, even Herschel the mildly retarded religious kid would get a handjob. So, I look at this gay camp. All these confused, Adolescent boys up in the woods with a bunch of priests, hormones raging...I'm getting a little turned on just thinking about it and I'm straight! Are you kidding me? This was probably one big gay orgy! Why wouldn't it be!? If I was gay, I'd ask to go to one of these camps..."oh mommy please please, I want to be straight so badly". I think we should have more of these camps! I think the conservos did a good thing! Let the gays go out and fuck each other! Learn about gay sex, protection, safety...nice job conservatives!
Also, these camps are usually in the woods, and we all know if you legalize gay marriage, then beastiality is next...so the gays could be fucking some wild animals too! I don't think when gay people use the term "bear" they mean it literally, but they could now!!!

Well, it seems the U.S.A is screwed people...abstinence teaching didn't work, and now these gay-to-straight camps don't work! It almost makes you think that maybe human sexuality isn't something that can be held down or changed...that maybe it's something impulsive, instinctive in all of us...that we don't choose who we are attracted to and that it wouldn't be healthy to go against our natural urges...NO! NO! That's ridiculous! Glad I got that idea out of my head! Jesus saves...Jesus saves...OK! OK! it's out of my head!
Now, I know some of you might say that maybe I'm picking on Jesus and the catholics too much in this article, don't fundamentalist Jews, Muslims and other fanatics believe similarly, that Homosexuality is an abomination? And the answer is yes...but, most of these camps are set up by right-wing christian conservatives, and most of the camps in the study were of those kind.

God though...I just can't think of a good/clever name for the CAMPS where they get all the gay kids to CONCENTRATE on being straight...it's on the tip of my tongue...god...oh well...they take these kids to a CAMP in a CONCENTRATED area...I got nothing...