MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
You know, I know this might surprise a lot of you out there in cyberland, but I don't mind Christmas. Now, yes, it is a pagan holiday based on another pagan holiday stolen by the Catholic Church...but it's better than a festival of lights..the Jews SURE know how to party! But, I think the whole superficial giving and pretend sharing we do on Christmas is commendable, I mean, we are Americans, we're shallow...BUT, there is one thing I cannot except about Christmas...and that is santa claus...FUCK SANTA CLAUS. I hate his fat ass. I hope that fucker dies of diabetes. You would think that someone who works so hard building toys, and traveling would lose some weight. There's a reason he uses reindeers and doesn't fly planes, because the airlines would make him buy 2 seats to fit his fat ass in. Who is this obese whale? He is some ass hole who has magical capabilities to first either make or purchase all toys for all good Christian children, and then get them to their houses in a 6 hour period...AND he knows who's naughty or nice. So, let me get this straight. He is a magical being who rewards the good and punishes the guilty by being omnipotent...kind of sounds farmilliar...like...GOD! Santa = god. They are the same damn thing! I am going to start praying to santa from now on, at least I get something tangible out of him...actual presents...not like what god gives me...fuck eternal salvation, I want a cabbage-patch doll, or a tickle-my-elbow doll or whatever the hell the children play with these days.
AND SPEAKING of tickle my elbow dolls...what representation of god are we making to children? Obesity is the number one epidemic in this country, and the savior of children, the one who is watching their every move is this fatass guy? I want a slimmer guy...AND speaking of child molestation, where does this reclusive get the technology to spy on the christian children? Do they stick a monitor into the child's head during baptism? This fatass is a fucking pedafile, sneaking into children's houses leaving them presents so they warm up to him, that's when he stuffs his cock in a stocking and has the kid jingle his balls. You know what, it makes sense that he's so fat and has a huge beard...he is too ugly to get laid....even mrs. claus won't touch that jelly belly, so he gets it from kids.
It's not only parents that are into this bullshit myth santa claus: The closeted, obese, pedafilic phony god, it is everyone else. There was a website this year that tracked where santa claus was at ALL hours of the night! Now, either than the obvious questions...I have a simple one. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO TRACK AN IMAGINARY BEING AS HE FLIES THROUGH THE NIGHT SKY THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE EARTH, BUT WE DO NOT HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO FIND ONE WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION IN IRAQ!? Explain that shit to me santa claus! Oh you can't! You're too busy seeing children when they are sleeping you perverted massichist.
I'll end this blog with this...
REALLY!? How has this myth not evolved! Santa still comes through chimneys!? WHO THE FUCK STILL HAS A CHIMNEY!? This isn't 1861. How is Santa getting into houses now, does he hire out a locksmith?
Since it's Christmas, I'm going to end on a more positive note than usual...It's my final thought really...you see I think that:
Parents tell their children this myth, to preserve their children's innocence, to make them feel like there is magic on this planet, that there is karma, and that if you are good, you will be rewarded and bad people will be punished...and that's ok...it really is. But, what about not making up stories about a magical guy and his retarded red nosed reindeer? Tell them about the magic us humans do or experience every day, whether it be something as cheesy as love, to taking them outside and enjoying the incredible planet we have around us. We look too much toward the flying red -velvet wearing bag o' lard and not enough to the actual things around us. Don't wait for Santa to buy you a present, go get your friend a present, show people that you care...cause unlike Santa...we don't live forever...or don't do any of that...because just like most other people... at the end of the day...I don't give a fuck.