Sunday, June 8, 2008


So Hillary Clinton did as Robert E. Lee, Confederate army lead general did to the Union general grant in 1865, she gave up and asked all the troops to support the black dude. Ok. I get it. This is the first black person running for president and it's not Chris Rock in "Head of State" that is something to be enjoyed, but does it really deserve this much press? I mean, everywhere I look it's "FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT, FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT!" But who cares? I'm just happy this primary season is over! I mean, it was longer than Robert Redford's career, felt longer than Ben Affleck's career, and ended as abruptly and anticlimacticly as Freddie Prinze Jr's (I was hoping he'd be shot).
Seriously, though. I don't care that he's the first black guy, I'm just happy there's a candidate. Like, I don't know what the deal was in the 1960's and like, how black people couldn't drink out of the same water fountains (does water somehow like white people better? Well, maybe they should explore that in "The Life of water 2") or they couldn't sit in the front of the bus (just in case some white old lady needed those front handicap seats) but nowadays, I just don't give a shit if someone is black, white, or someone out of the movie "Tron."
Ok. Ok. So, America has a brilliantly long and deep bigoted tradition, we have raised people like Mel Gibson and Louis Farrakhan, but this is 2008! I just don't give a shit that he's black or she's a chick or that mccain is half horn frog! I'm just happy that Guliani isn't the candidate for either side, and not because he's a closeted homosexual and a cross dresser, but because I REALLY can't spell his name properly.
But, guys. It's 2008! I'm watching the NBA finals and 9 out of the 10 starters on the finals team are black and Pau Gasol the only non-black is from some strange eastern european country that speaks some strange language that probably ends in the suffix "ian" Like Slovokian know...Puerto Rican... I don't know.
I leave you with this...It's 2008 people! It's time to stop talking about how we made history and start making history by just letting the progressiveness of this country happen and shutting the fuck up about it. I feel like America is like the celebrities at the Oscars. We all know you did great work Hollywood, but do you really need to dress up and have an awards show and REALLY shove it in our faces? We get it, America has moved on, so let's have everyone move on.

Note from the editor: I know, this blog wasn't as politically incorrect as the rest and don't you worry I haven't gone soft like Bob Barker's penis, but you see...last time I went political it was all about Jimmy Carter and his Pterodactyl's Spiked Vagina head, so I thought I'd balance it out.

2nd Note from the editor: It's been 6 months since I started writing these and I, with all honesty, appreciate all the reading and comments and support...tell your friends...especially the rich ones. But, I've gotten some heat, especially from the older crowds (who I love) that i'm too dirty, too inappropriate sometimes. Well, let me just say this with the most honor and love and respect toward these people as I hope they continue to read my blogs and tell their friends...FUCK YOU. (this note dedicated to emma and madison)

To sum up. We get it, he's black...that's really not exciting...I'm going to masturbate and play internet video games.

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